Ginny Weasley

Journal Entry to Luna, Dec 20th really late at night
( For the eyes of Miss Luna Lovegood ONLY )

( Late at night )

Today we had Quidditch practice, which was wonderful. No over-thinking, no worrying; just us up on brooms trying the hardest we can to "win". Th air rushing by... it's such sweet freedom...

But that doesn't matter now; I have so much to do. So much to plan, so much to worry about. But I got myself into this, so I will do what I can. I seem to have this unnecessary need to please everyone.

I need to go play Quidditch more

20 November

( A Private Magic-Journal Entry to the Boy Who Lived )

Everything seems to be crazy these days; it slowly becomes harder to differentiate between, well, basically anything. I guess it's all quite chaotic.

Merlin's Pants, I hate that word. Chaos. I mean, it's all good and well but every time I see it, it just annoys me.

But it's true; everything is all jumbled up and half the time I'm trying to catch what I'm saying to make sure I'm not mis-saying anything. There's what you know, then there is what you want others to not and what you don't want then to know. Then there is what they know and whether what you think you know is true or...

...it's all very confusing.

Luna and I use to play a game; a crazy game I guess, but it was fun. We use to come up with all of these common words like 'it' 'the' 'things', etc and those words were off limits and if you said them you would lose. Only is was just for fun there wasn't much winning or losing just going around the day trying to catch the other saying forbidden words. Which we did quite a lot.

I guess we haven't played much; too much of doing the real thing.

But whatever, I have books to read and classes to study for. That is, after all, what I believe the point of school is.

( Private Magic Journal Message to Draco )

Dumbledore's Army Members
Only

On the fake galleons for Dumbledore's Army, the serial code now read: 14111997.

[Private except for Luna and Draco if they want to read it]

I think I might have a slight fear of being alone.

I mean, when I grew up I always had people around me; surrounded by family. There was always a brother at home with me, and my parents until Ron went off to school. I guess that's when it all started. I did still have my parents, but I was lonely. Then the next year, I went off to school and I thought that everything would be better. Then I found myself in a school full of kids and still as alone as every. My brothers had made it clear that I was not allowed to hang out with them, so there I was, with no one to be my friend.

During first weeks, I sent letters home to my parents at every chance possible. I guess that was why I was so ready to trust Riddle; he was the first one to actually talk to me. As I wrote more and more in the diary, I guess I stopped paying attention to the real world. No one there seemed to really care, and Riddle was ready to listen to all my problems. It took me awhile to tell that something was wrong, I just wanted to not me alone so much.

When Harry finally destroyed the diary, I did blame him for awhile though I got over it before school started the next year. Thats when I really started to talk to Luna. She had been in some of my classes during first year, and I had said a few sentences, but in my second year, I was ready to cling onto someone, anyone, who would be my friend. I suppose that is my problem; I'm too desperate and I needed someone to be there.

Luna was different from Riddle, our friendship has always stayed on an equal level. After my first year, I was prepared to do anything that she said, but she never took advantage of that. She helped me get over some of the things that had happened, and I'll always remember that. As the years went past, Ron seemed to allow me to actually talk to him at school and by my forth year, I finally felt as if I belonged at Hogwarts. Everything seemed right, I had friends, I had my brother, I had a boyfriend.

I guess that's the problem now. Everyone seems to be avoiding me, except Luna. My entire family family (except dad) hates me and blames me for all the problems. It's almost like my first year all over, except that I can't even write to my parents about what is wrong. The problem isn't just school anymore, and I can't pretend that I'm a child that can just hide away from the world when nothing is going my way.

I hate being alone.

[/private]

I was going through my trunk (which as usual, is a mess) and I came across a Shaekspur book that I had bought during the summer. I must admit, with all that Muggles have, theatre is one thing that is completely different from anything wizards could produce. I mean, I can barely believe they can do it without magic. They use this thing called electricty (we learned about it in Muggle Studies last year) to do these amazing things with lights. I mean, we don't have spells for some of the things they can do.

I saw two plays in the summer, the first ones I had ever seen. The first one was Romeo and Juliet. I had snuck out to the Muggle town near the Burrow in boredom and was exploring when it started to rain. In hopes of getting out of it, I ducked into this theatre were they were playing a Shaekspur play. It was very odd at first and and I had no clue what was going on. By the end I slightly understood it and was curious for more.

The next time I went to the town alone, I tried to find the same theatre. They were putting on another play, er... King Lear. That one was quite confusing. The beginning was quite like one of our children stories. The one about the old pureblood family were the father is dividing up his daughters inheritance. He asks them how much they love him and the first one answers something like "all the gold in the world" etc. The second replies "more then all the magic in the world" etc. His favorite, the third just says "more then I love Lumos." The father is disgusted at that answer and so on.

Basically that was how King Lear was, except for it was for Muggles. It was another tragedy, just like Romeo and Juliet, except for instead of anyone learning anything, everyone just died. I must admit, I like Romeo and Juliet better. It was more romantic. As I was leaving the theatre this time, I saw these books that were the complete works of Shaekspur. I still had a few pieces of Muggle money so I bought one, curious to see if all of his plays were like the two I saw.

They are very hard to read. It was much easier to see them. The few that I got through all had a very similar theme. They were all about parents trying to force their children to do something, or doing the wrong things themselves and then the children disobey because it is not right and the child are usually the ones who are right. I don't know, maybe Muggles are right about that.

Oh, and parents: if you read this please don't kill me. I was only sneaking out to get away from Queen Bridezilla and that blasted blue dress. And to actually get some food so I can eat instead of being starved by my lovely sister-in-law.

November 10th

I really do love my family, but sometimes they are just really annoying! I just wish that they would stop protecting me, I'm not six anymore!

Crookshanks, will you please get of my lap!

I guess that is one of the annoyances when I am back at Hogwarts. Hermione's kitty feels that everything and everyone in the Common Rooms are his property and it doesn't matter if I'm trying to type something. It doesn't help that now he's started to claw my stomach. Ow!

Back on topic, as usually my family wants me to be safe. They don't understand that know matter where I am, there is danger. At least they aren't locking me up in the ivory tower, though if they did I would find away to escape. I thought that at least some of my brothers would understand, but they seem to just be conspiring behind my back. The one ones I haven't heard their... disapproval about my choices are the ones I haven't heard of.

This is worse then when Ron found out I was dating Michael Corner.

Fine, I hope they are all happy in their safe little lives. I give up trying to please my family, I give up only doing things that seem 'safe', I give up following all their rules. Even if everything blows up in my face as my brothers are so convinced will happen, at least I will have lived my life how I want to. That's all I ever wanted.